The Purple Dildo
So I was a carrier guy and in ET/EM Berthing we had a guy named Pena who had a bunch of sex toys in his rack for some damn reason (I’m sure there are people on here from the Lincoln who can verify Pena had a screw loose.)
Anyways, one of the things in there was this giant purple dildo that someone took out of his rack and it randomly would end up on people’s racks just to mess with them when they would come back to it. Sounds retarded, which it was, but believe me when you’re tired and get back to your rack to find there is a giant purple thing sitting on it it’s annoying as shit.
One night I had been one of my many 36 hour up periods for god knows why. I get back to my rack and pull off my poopy suit so I’m sitting there in my underwear and go to hop in my rack. When I open the curtains sure enough there’s that big ass purple dick. I’m not amused at all. I’m tired and a very grumpy person when I haven’t slept. I grab it and go to throw it across the way.
Right when it’s about to leave my finger tips (I swear it felt like slow motion) a chief for MWR comes around the corner. (Bradshaw slept across from me and he was assigned to MWR) the dildo flies across the way and hits him in the leg and falls to the floor. He looks at what he was just struck with, then looks at me, then looks at the dildo again, then back at me. I’m frozen, not moving a muscle standing there in my underwear.
After a third look at what hit him and at me he finally speaks, “Bradshaw?” I peak in the curtain of the rack across from me, “Not in his rack” he storms off.
I quickly redress and run down to the RC office. “Master Chief, just so you hear it from me first, you may be approached from the MWR chief….. I just threw a dildo at him”
The Horse
My father was a pilot (flying RCN Grumman CS2F-2 Tracker) on the HMCS Bonaventure. He tells one story while at one European port, this guy has bought a retired race horse and wanted to take it home, but was denied when he actually tried to bring it onboard. After they were at sea horse manure started showing up in random places. The captain ordered a full search for this horse but no one could find it, and still piles of horse manure would show up, more searches were performed not finding anything. In the end they found out that there was no horse, just the pissed off former owner of a horse with a bag of manure. The captain was not amused.